A521.7.4.RB_MilliganSteven

A few years ago, I went hunting with my cousin and brother-in-law .  This was supposed to be just a day trip.  The weather was amazing and it seemed like a great idea at the time.  We packed our guns and ammo, got in the SUV, and headed off toward the mountains.  As we climbed higher and higher in altitude in the mountains of Ogden Utah, I noticed more snow had accumulated here than I had previously thought.  I remembered that my boots were fairly waterproof; however, I had only brought a black leather jacket to keep me warm.  I wasn’t wearing a hat, gloves or any sort of thermal wear.  To my knowledge this was going to be a short trip, so I did not worry about it.  After a two hour drive, we finally reached our destination.  As I stepped out of the car, I noticed that the terrain was rough, the hills were steep and completely covered in at least a foot of snow.  Moments later, we grabbed our small amount of hunting gear and began our descent into the woods.  I remember looking back several times during our hike and thinking to myself that the car, which was parked at the top of the hill, was getting more difficult to see from where we were at. 

After several hours of hiking, I began to feel a nagging pain in my right knee.  This was a level of pain that I had never felt before in that area.  As the hike continued, the pain got worse and worse.  I mentioned this to my brother-in-law and cousin several times, but they were so engulfed in the task at hand that they did not seem to be listening.  Looking into the sky, I began to notice that the sun was getting much closer to dissolving behind the mountains, and the winds were picking up greatly.  The light was dying, and the car was getting harder to see from where we were at.  None of us had any camping gear, or even gloves for that matter.  Under these conditions, I decided that I needed to start heading back, otherwise I was not going to be able to make it.  I felt like I had an ice pick sticking out of my knee cap, and by this time was barely able to bend it at all.  I informed my companions of our situation; I was going back, and they were more than welcome to join.  They told me they would be right behind me.  Unfortunately for me, this was not the case. 

Less than an hour later I found myself separated from my companions, lost in the woods, in over foot of snow with no flashlight and the sun all but gone.  I had no way of keeping warm, and the temperature was quickly dropping well below freezing.  At this point, I was reduced to a stiff legged hobble.  Because of the lack of light, I also found that I could no longer see where the car had been.  After a time, I began to call out to my cousin and brother-in-law in hopes they would be able to hear me and follow my voice.  Because of the wind, trees and the canyon, my voice was neither loud enough, nor could be carried in the direction that it needed to in order to reach my companions.  I began to sit on my rear and scoot my way back down the canyon in hopes of finding a path, river or a spot that I recognized from the hike earlier that day.  Through the stress, frustration, exertion and fear I began to sweat profusely.  The more I perspired, the colder I became, and could feel my teeth begin to chatter.  At this point, I decided to stop and pray about what I needed to do in order to make it through the night.  How was I going to stay warm till daylight, and how could I protect myself if something dangerous came along?  In the silence I remembered two things.  The first was from the show Man vs Wild.  I remembered that when you are cold and sweating you needed to unzip your jacket to let the sweat evaporate.  Doing so would actually warm you up in the long run.  I did this immediately and after a short while began to feel my temperature rise.  The second thing I remembered was that the road ran along the mountain above me.  No matter which way I went, as long as it was up, I would eventually make it to a road and would hopefully be able to determine where the car was from that point.  I slowly got up, and with teeth grit and determination in my mind,  I continued my climb up the mountain.  In the black night, I used my frozen hands as leverage to lift me up the steeper inclines.  Through fog and blinding snow I saw two headlight. A car! My spirits sank when I realized it wasn't the one I'd road in on. From their warm vehicle, the people inside pointed to my right and informed me there were two guys hanging out in their car waited for someone, maybe they were who I was looking for. Twenty long minutes later, I came upon that car, my cousin and brother-in-law.  I crawled inside, removed my freezing clothes and curled up in the heat with a blanket on. 

I learned several very important lessons that night.  One comes from the Old Boy Scouts adage, “Always be Prepared”.  Never again will I venture into the cold without plenty of gear, warm clothes, GPS and a flashlight.  The second lesson I learned is to never leave someone behind.  No matter the situation, we always stick together. I needed my companions to stay with me and they did not.  When I even suspect someone needs help, I will never leave them behind or let them leave without me.  The third lesson I learned is to always watch Man vs. Wild!  This show possibly saved my life that night.  When I travel in the future, I will find an episode that pertains to my location and start watching and studying the things I see and learn.  To be prepared is to survive.        

A521.6.3.RB_MilliganSteven

Teamwork is an integral part of being able to get the job done this day and age.  For most of us, the ability to do all the work on our own every single day is simply impossible.  Because of the speed and expectations of the world we live in, we need to collaborate, communicate and become a more cohesive unit with others both within and outside our organizations.  In the text, Denning discusses the purpose and elements of High-performance teams.  He states, “High-performance teams are exceptional.  In addition to having the basics in place-clear goal, appropriate leadership and membership, and adequate resources and support-high-performance teams exhibit characteristics of community as well” (Denning, 2011, p. 155).

Recently, I was asked to be a member of a High-performance team.  A group of twenty experts on the deployment process were asked to come together and figure out ways we can streamline and improve the way we deploy and move large amount of cargo and people within a short period of time.  We worked together for nine hours a day for a week on improving these processes.  By bringing experts together in different areas of the deployment processes, we were able to greatly improve on the way things are done.  The first element Denning talks about is that “high-performance teams actively shape the expectations of those who use their output-and then exceed the resulting expectations” (Denning, 2011, p. 155).  One of our goals during our time together was to come to a better understanding of what our Wing Commander wanted from us.  We needed to identify problems in the process, areas we needed to test, and a variety of ways to accomplish them depending on different situations.  What we came up with was one streamlined process and a fast and efficient communication method that would enable us to make changes to the process depending on the situation.  In this manner, we exceeded expectations, simplified the process and enabled us to judge each situation as it happened and make informed decisions.  

           This brings us to the second element, “High-performance teams rapidly adjust their performance to the shifting needs of the situation.  They innovate on the fly, seizing opportunities and turning setbacks into good fortune” (Denning, 2011, p. 155).  By bringing together experts, we were able to make adjustments based on the situation at hand.  Using recent deployment experiences, we were able to discuss how we would handle multiple situations.  A recent experience we had was the 24 hour delay of a flight.  This delay would impact our ability to get troops and equipment on the ground in the deployed location.  When this happened, we pulled the team together and used our expertise to make adjustments so enough people and equipment could make it to the location, using other methods, on time, so the mission would not be impacted.  This entire process only took about two hours to handle.  Because we had the right minds and right amount of communication, we were able to get the job done.  

The next element is “High-performance teams grow steadily stronger” (Denning, 2011, p. 155).  One of the most difficult things we deal with in the military is the constant personnel change.  Often, we only stay at one location for around three years, and during that time we can be deployed or TDY for months.  Because of this, the ability to learn and grow as a team is greatly hindered.  We have to quickly get to know new people all the time, and those new people often need to learn the base, their location and how things work there at a rapid pace.  In my own career field, I could be working in deployments, then materiel management, and then vehicle maintenance.  By the time I begin to understand and learn my job, I could be thrown into a field that I know nothing about.  These things hinder the ability to build a high-performance team.  I feel that while there are many things that make it difficult for us to grow and learn as a team, the importance of the mission pushes us to step up or a heighten our learning pace, so we can come together quickly and efficiently.  We often set aside frustrations and difference, because we know the job must get done: lives depend on it.  Within only a couple of months, we are often anticipating each-others needs and going out of our way to help others get their job done.  

This brings us to the next element of a high-performance team.  This element states that, “The members of a high-performance team grow individually.  Mutual concern for each other’s personal growth enables high-performance teams to develop interchangeable skills and hence greater flexibility” (Denning, 2011, p. 156).  While we will never know the exact details of everyone else's jobs, we are able to foresee and anticipate the things they will need.  One of the ways we do this in my own work environment is by tailoring information to those that need it.  By understanding the roles other organizations play in deployments, we can better provide them the information they need, in a comprehensive format, and in a timely manner.  When we receive a list of equipment that will be deploying and notice that vehicles are on that list, we send the list to vehicle maintenance so they can start preparing those items for deployment.  By doing this, we save them a lot of panic and stress by giving them enough time to do their job and get ahead of the curve.  

The next element states that high-performance teams are “fueled by interpersonal commitments, the purposes of high-performance teams become nobler, team performance goals more urgent, and team approach more powerful” (Denning, 2011, p. 156).  As each member of the team works together, gets to know one another and communicates more often, we begin to develop a desire to help one another reach a higher level of success.  Because of the relationships I have developed over the past 9 months working in the deployment readiness cell, I have often worked longer hours and gone out of my way to help those around me.  When communication breaks down or a “bad egg” is introduced into the environment it can hurt these commitments.  An experience I had with this involved a Master Sergeant I had never worked with before.  On several occasion, he would call our section and start yelling at the people that worked there for not sending him information he needed when he wanted it by.  This information was not actually supposed to come from our shop.  In all honesty, I had no problem with sending the information to his section, but because of the way he treated my airmen, I told him to forget getting any help from us until he could figure out how to treat people with respect.  He had the same outburst on several other occasions, and each time I sat him down and suggested he figure out how to treat people otherwise the problem would continue.  I may have been stoking the fire and not approaching the situation appropriately; however, I tend to feel protective of my airmen and don’t like it when others treat them poorly.  After this last conversation, things turned around and I made sure my airmen had information to him as soon as possible.  I wanted to make sure he understood that his efforts to change would be reciprocated, and we would take care of his needs when he was respectful.  I felt doing this would help each section develop a desire to make sure the others’ needs are met.

The final element states, “High-performance teams carry out their work with shared passion.  The notion that “if one of us fails, we all fail” pervades the team” (Denning, 2011, p. 156). This is never truer than in a deployment process team.  When I think of the deployment process, it reminds me of the old Mouse Trap board game.  The purpose of the game was to catch the mouse with the little plastic net.  If any part of the contraption broke, the ball would fall to the wayside and the entire trap would fail leaving the mouse to enjoy his cheese freely at the end.  The same goes for deployments.  If the cargo is broken, the mission may fail; if people are not ready, the mission may fail; and if each process owner cannot do their job, then planes, people, and cargo do not leave, and the entire mission will fail.  Because of this, each member of the team has an intense desire to do their part and help other members of the team be able to do their part also.  Quite literally, if one of us fails, we all fail.  We cannot allow this to happen.  

One key aspect of being a high-performance team is having a shared set of values.  When teams fail, usually it is because their values and priorities different from one another.  If one member values personnel, while another values profit, we may see problems arise.  The first person will gear their ideas, decisions and goals towards the good and well-being of the personnel involved.  The other member of the team will, in turn, gear their goals and ideas toward the health of the financial state of the company and being able to turn a profit.  While both of the values are incredibly important to the success of an organization, both individuals need to be on the same page when it comes to the level of importance each value holds.  Denning states “When we’re in this sort of situation, we see that the other members of the group have different values, and this leaves us with the feeling that future collaboration would be horrible to contemplate” (Denning, 2011, p. 159).  Being able to take a step back and examine each-others values and why each member holds those values may enable the team to come to a common ground.  This will then allow the team to become a cohesive unit that thinks and acts more as one.  

There are times that we will be asked to work together with others to meet goals, develop ideas, or change the way something is being done.  There are four patterns that exist when we come together as a group.  The first is a work group.  Often a work group is mistaken for a team.  The key differences here are that each member of the team does not necessarily need to work together to get their part of the job done.  Sometimes each member will share similar tasks and supervisors; however, they do not need to necessarily collaborate and work together to accomplish the goal.  Often, a team's success depends on each member to work with the others, do their part and communicate with each other.  By knowing and understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses, the team becomes stronger and more efficient.  The third is community.  A community is not necessarily a team.  They do not need a common goals or objective they need to hit.  They do not need to be organized by leadership or by a supervisor.  A community may have a common interest, be self-organized, and have a desire to discuss the things they can do to improve on those interests.  They may meet weekly, monthly or even yearly.  Common values and ideas more often bring a community together than an active goal or objective that needs to be achieved.  The last work pattern is a network.  A network is usually made up of a large number of people that all share a common interest or goal.  In my own work environment, I am a member of several different networks.  I am a member of the Logistics Officers Association, the Company Grade Officers Association and even an Installation Deployment Officers group.  Each network is made up of different people and groups that I have things in common with.  Being a member of each of these networks allows me to seek advice, stay current on changes in the workplace, and even call on favors when needed.  Networks are generally only meant to help people keep in touch and stay up to date on things that are happening in those particular fields.  

I think most of us can say we have had a negative experience in a team.  Most of the problems I have had in teams come from poor communication and a lack of shared values.  I was once part of a team while working on my bachelor’s degree that was expected to develop and host a community event for a local non-profit organization.  Two members of the team had absolutely zero desire to do any work at all.  Every chance they had to leave early, not show up, or not get the work done, they took.  They left the other members of the team to do twice as much work.  In the end, the community even suffered because they had not contacted some of the people they were supposed to, to be a part of the event.  One of these happened to be the group that we were hoping would donate food.  Because of this, I was left to spend a great deal of money last minute to get food there.  Having team members with little to no desire to accomplish their tasks and be a contributing teammate can be incredibly frustrating.  Looking back, I wish I would have approached the team members from the beginning and discussed what the problems were, and hopefully sparked some level of desire to contribute more to the project.  

A positive experience has been with the networks I am currently involved in.  Because of the friends I have made in the various networks I am a part of, I have been able to get help on a number of occasions.  In the military world they call us the Lieutenant Mafia.  Because we are young and generally at the operational level of the work force, we know the people that can help us get the job done.  When we call on each other for help we do it, because we know that the other will do the same.  I have done this on a number of occasions while others have done the same for me.  A couple times I've got people approved last minute to get on a plane about to leave for a deployed location because another Lieutenant or co-worker needed it.  One such occasion happened when we sent a group of people to Poland for an exercise.  A last minute change took place that shouldn’t have, so when another Lieutenant called asking for my help, I did what I could to make it happen.  He was on the plane and out the door with the rest of the group with less than an hour to go before the plane took off.  Having networks like this can make a great difference in our ability to get the job done and even go above and beyond to make things happen when they seem like it may be impossible.  

Working together, whether in high-performance teams or not comes down to communication, values and our desire to work with others to accomplish the task at hand.  When we show respect, empathy and a desire to learn about the other person, we greatly enhance our effectiveness and the desires of others to work with us.  Being able to work with others effectively and efficiently will make a huge difference in the success of each of our organizations.

References

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative. San Fransisco: Josey-Bass.

A521.5.4.RB_MilliganSteven

When deciding what values are important in your organizations, and then working to align those values with the lives of those that work with the organization, it is important to understand the differences between operational and espoused values, and how we can distinguish and possibly align both personal and corporate values.  We need to learn to make the espoused values, or the ones that we want to have in our lives, the operational values, or the ones that are actually a part of our lives.  We need to ask ourselves what is truly important within our own organization and then seek out employees that hold the same set of values.  If you are a stock trading firm and have your net profit at the most important goal in the company you then need to align your values to that goal and then be honest with people as they look to work for the company.  Being honest and up front with employees will help to weed out those whose values do not line up with those of the company.  If attempt to state one set of values as our core set and then actually implement another set we will fail.  Employees will see the inconsistencies and will leave. 

If we learn that our organization is lacking in values or lacking in implementing values we then need to work to reestablish them immediately.  A strong set of values gives us a banner to look to when problems arise and we are not sure how to react to them.  In the text Denning states, “Making values explicit was a first preparatory step.  Making the values operational comes through action” (Denning, 2011, p. 138).  Being able to align and implement values through action will then change the hearts and the minds of the people working there to become more in sync with the company.  Leaders must follow and adhere to these values if they want the rest of the company to follow along.  They can then use these experiences to create narratives and examples that can help members of the organization understand what the values are and why they exist.  Developing and implementing these values can help to create a community within the organization.
           In order to have a strong ethical community, you need to have three basic components; Denning discusses these throughout the text.  The first is trust.  He defines trust as, “the general expectation among members that their fellows will behave ethically toward them” (Denning, 2011, p. 132).  I know from experience, without trust in an organization bad things will happen quickly.  Whether the organization is selling cookies, cars, providing health services or saving lives, a level of trust is needed for that organization to run.  It is incredibly important for people to trust their leaders, in return, leaders should be able to trust members of their organization.  That reciprocated trust working as a two way street can make the work more effective, the product a higher quality and the workplace a friendlier environment. 

Loyalty is the second component.  Denning defines this as, “acceptance of the obligation to refrain from breaching one another’s trust and to fulfill the duties entailed by accepting that trust” (Denning, 2011, p. 132).  By being able to trust and take care of one another, we should not have to worry about loyalties.  If each person in the organization were to act in an ethical manner, there should be no reason to break that loyalty. Yet, if it is broken, the trust wanes and the organization begins to fall apart. 

The third component is solidarity.  This is “caring for other people’s interests and being ready to take action on behalf of others, even if it conflict with personal interests” (Denning, 2011, p. 132).  This is, in my opinion, one of the most important aspects of an ethical community.  The genuine desire to take care of one another, help them out when possible, and have the backs of the people you work with, defines leadership, friendship and a healthy work environment.  When you add trust and loyalty into that mix, you will have an organization that is a place people will want to work for a very long time and will want to invite their friends to be a part of.  Just like a shepherd, I would not want to introduce a wolf into the fold.  I would only want to bring the best of the best to be a part of the organization and would care greatly what happens in the flock. 

Each of these values easily applies to the Air Force.  As airmen, we exercise integrity, service and excellence.  We take care of one another and have a desire to see each other succeed.  I would argue, this takes place more often in a military work environment compared with a more competitive organization.  Yet, I find there is a lot of conflict between shops.  I see this usually as a lack of communication and an unwillingness to venture from the norm.  Because we are compartmentalize, there is little interact with many of the other agencies on the base, and it can be difficult to see them as part of the same family.  We often look at them as the drunk step uncle that no one likes.  We’ll help them out when absolutely necessary; however, we’re probably not going to jump at the chance to do so.  In contrast, we should look at other sections of the base as our favorite cousin.  We may not see them all the time, but we’re happy they are there and we will jump at the chance to help them out.  The difficult part about applying this, is that trust and loyalty comes from day to day interaction.  These take time to build up.  You need to be able to communicate with each other frequently and openly.  What you then ask of your airmen is that they exercise solidarity without the experience of building trust and loyalty.  This is how we often work in the Air Force.  You take care of each other knowing that sometimes what other sections will do may make you look bad, cause extra work, or even delay or fail the mission.  You do what you can to keep this from happening, because in reality, the mission is more important than feelings, trust and loyalty.  When lives are involved, sometimes you have to look past the infallibility of humans and just make it happen.  To mitigate this we can meet more often, get to know other sections and learn the work others are involved to build trust.

For example, an attempt to streamline our deployment process, we brought together key teams from around the base for a week long Tiger Team.  Our goal was to better understand and communicate the deployment process, while conceiving new ways to deploy in a moment’s notice.  In the end, we determined that processes did not need to change; however, we did learn a great deal about the amount of work involved in each of the different workshops around the base.  Our level of trust grew to a great degree, and when things get busy and we have to deploy hundreds of people and items of equipment in just a few days, we can now trust that each member is doing their part.  Through communication and a week’s worth of brainstorming we developed a level of cohesion and team solidarity that makes us want to work harder for each person we worked with. 

 References

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative. San Fransisco: Josey-Bass.

A521.4.3.RB_MilliganSteven

Although communication is something that we all do naturally every day, it is something that many of us do not fully understand.  When we communicate we use body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, body placement and a number of other ways to communicate how we are feeling and what we are thinking.  Many of these things we do completely subconsciously, learned over time, through the culture around us.  If we can learn to govern and control the way we communicate we can be much more effective and eventually be able to master the messages we want to deliver to others. 

In chapter 4 of the book Messages: The Communication Skills Book, the authors discuss body language and how much of a large part of communication it is.  They state, “You “can’t not” communicate with others.  Without saying a word, you reveal your feelings and attitudes” (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009 p. 44).  They go on to state that “Understanding body language is essential because over 50 percent of a message’s impact comes from body movements” (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, p. 44).  To add to this, stress, hunger, anger and various situations can lead to miscommunications or frustrations that we did not intend.  There have been many times that I have either miscommunicated to someone, or misinterpreted something someone was communicating to me. 

I have been fortunate enough to have had the chance to travel quite a bit around the world.  I have lived in several different countries and have experienced the cultures and diverse methods of communication in each of those cultures.  Even within the United States, people communicate differently.  Their mannerisms, hand gestures and tone of voice will vary greatly from California to New York to Alabama. 

Years ago I went on a backpacking trip through Europe with my cousins.  We travelled from Italy to Germany to Ireland, Scotland and London.  At one point we were driving around in Scotland completely lost.  We decided to stop and ask for directions from a cab driver.  What happened next threw me off because of the culture I grew up in.  Where I grew up if you used the “F” word it was only because you were extremely angry with someone, a situation, or you were hurt.  This was not a common word where I’m from and is considered highly offensive.  As we approached and asked the cab driver to directions he seemed more than happy to help.  He proceeded to give what I think were directions to where we needed to go.  The only word I understood that he was saying over and over was the “F” word.  Everything else was said with an extremely thick Scottish accent that I could not make any sense of.  He did however drop the “F” word probably 100 times within a couple of minutes.  I could not for the life of me understand what would constitute so much anger towards us and I could not understand anything else he was saying, so I wasn’t sure if he was going to help us or kill us.  A few minutes later he realized we were completely confused and jumped in his cab and gestured for us to follow him.  We reluctantly got in our rental and followed along.  Some ten minutes later we ended up at our destination.  We thanked the driver and went on our way.

In this situation, had I been too quick to judge the cab driver, and reacted solely based on my comprehension of his words, I probably would have punched him square in the face thinking he was getting ready to pick a fight.  Because his body language and tone of voice told me differently, I listened closely and realized he was being helpful, friendly, and went out of his way to make sure we could get to our destination.  The difference in cultural communication was astounding to me and I have never forgotten that experience.  In the text the authors make an important statement about body language.  They state, “Another reason to pay close attention to body language is that it is often more believable than verbal communication” (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, p. 44).  By following the nonverbal cues of the cab driver I was able to ascertain that he was being friendly and helpful rather than threatening.  I use this story as a lesson for others.  Before you judge someone, make sure you truly understand them.  Don’t go off of just what they are saying or what message you think they are trying to get across.  Watch the levels of body language, tone of voice, proximity and other factors.  If you are in a foreign country or they are from a foreign country make sure to gather some information on the customs and courtesies of that country.  If you are still confused, continue to ask questions until you can fully assess the situation.  Over the years I have had the chance to travel to different parts of the world and meet people from different cultures.  I have always tried to listen and watch them carefully so that I can understand the way they communicate.  Because of the lessons I have learned over the years I have been able to avoid situations that could have turned out terribly just because of some miscommunication.

Another situation that happens frequently between me and my wife is the way I communicate with her when I am hungry.  I did not know this was the case for a long time.  When I get hungry, I usually get angry, cranky and short tempered.  I will snap quickly for no reason and misinterpret the things she is saying.  Over time she has begun to see the change in temper, body language and attitude and the way I talk to her.  By nature I am not a short tempered person.  I do not anger quickly or easily, so when I do it usually means there is something wrong.  That something usually means lack of food.  As she begins to see these signs she will remind me that I am hungry, or kindly ask me if there is anything I would like to eat.  Usually by this time, however, I am too cranky to decide on what food I want, so she will just grab me something and make me eat it.  Within the next few minutes, I will be back to my normal self and all will be ok.  Learning to ignore the things I say and my poor attitude in these situations has not been an easy thing for her and she has had to learn to read my body language and listen to my paralanguage rather than just listen to the words I am saying.  There are times when I am tired or hungry and the way I talk begins to change, how much and how quickly I talk also changes.  Being able to listen for and understand these changes can make a difference in your ability to communicate. 

In the text the authors state, “If you did not vary your pitch, resonance, volume, tempo or rhythm as you spoke, you would sound like a robot” (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, p. 55).  Because my wife understands and knows the way I normally talk, it can be easy for her to spot when something is wrong when those things change.  It is also important to catch and recognize these changes within myself.  Over time I have tried to adjust the way I talk when I begin to feel angry.  For myself I know that I either need some food or I need a few minutes to calm down and think about what I am doing wrong in the situation. 

On the flip side, I have had to do the same thing when it comes to my wife.  She gets anxiety and pent up energy easily.  If she does not work out by midday she becomes short tempered, emotional and often cries for no reason.  I used to get very frustrated over this and an argument would ensue usually over something irrelevant and stupid.  Over time, I learned to understand my wife better and would ask her if she had the chance to work out that day.  Usually the answer was no, or something had happened that caused her workout to get cut short.  I would suggest that she go on a run, or get out and go to the gym.  Without fail, every time she did this she would come back in a much better mood, smiling and happy.  When I learned to read her body language, facial expressions and paralanguage I was often able to see the shift in behavior and suggest things that may help her rather than getting frustrated at her words and starting a fight. 

Over time I have learned to be a much more patient, empathetic and insightful listener and communicator.  I have learned to adjust my voice, tone, words, body language and mannerism to my surroundings.  Hopefully I will be able to continue to improve on this and improve my ability to read the way others communicate with me and adjust the ways I communicate with others.     

           

References

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.